Memoir

I'm fascinated with fire, and yet I'm terrified of it. I love reading books about firemen and deadly fires (a good one is Norman Maclean's Young Men and Fire), I love songs about fire and I even love sitting in front of a roaring blaze in our fireplace.

But I have this phobia, not so much of fire itself, but of a fire getting out of my control. Sean understands this phobia of mine and makes sure we have a heavy duty fire extinguisher readily available. He even bought me a mini extinguisher for my car.

I'm reminded of my phobia tonight because it poured all day, something our dry forests have been needing for a few weeks now. On the drive home, I smelled smoke through my defroster, probably something from outside -- somebody's chimney maybe -- and I panicked. I sniffed furiously, wondering if my car was on fire and whether or not I would have to jump out quickly before the car exploded like they do in the movies.

It's a silly phobia, really, originating from the night I nearly set my father's house on fire when I accidentally knocked a candle into a dried flower arrangement. The burnt hole in the carpet reminded me of how I nearly cost my family our home.

Years later, distraught at the recent news that a close friend of mine had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, I flicked a lit match into the backseat of my car as I lit a cigarette. I panicked and pulled the car over. No match in sight, no fire to put out, I sat in the backseat for an hour just waiting for the blaze to begin at any moment.

I'm sure I'm not alone here, there are some strange phobias out there:

Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations.
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowel movements.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Vitricophobia- Fear of step-father.
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.


I guess I could have a sillier phobia, but phobias are nothing to laugh at. Well, OKay, I guess some of them are. But I am literally petrified of the thought of starting a fire.

What phobias do you have? Ever feel weird for having them?